


tell me why my gods look like you (and tell me why it's wrong)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: not talking about boys, I'm talking about girls [3]
Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Comfort, Contrabbandieri are still boys but still their wonderful selves, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Genderswap, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Insecurity, Post-Season/Series 02, also for me to project my own feelings, as in Marti's, because what's writing without self-projection, but most of the story focuses on, genderswap Marti and Nico, happiness, hey Marti and Nico are the most fucking adorable, is this series just an excuse to talk about how pretty girls are?, small discussion of how homophobia affects girls different than boys, the DOMESTICITY of this pairing gets me every time, they are so SOFT and TENDER, why yes yes it is, writing Nicotino&the Contrabbandieri feels like getting a warm hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22821298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: It is a general fact of the universe that Nicoletta Fares is drop dead gorgeous. Martina is pretty sure the girl she’s dating is a model in another life, and is an utterly talented artist in this one.95% of the time Martina's completely happy to be dating someone so beautiful, inside and out. She is, after all, utterly secure in her relationship with Nicoletta. She knows that Nicoletta loves her more than anything, that their love for each other is something far beyond a symptom of Nicoletta’s BPD. She knows that for how much she adores Nicoletta, she is adored right back.But her insecurities still rear their ugly heads, occasionally. Sometimes, that feeling of luckiness takes a headfirst dive into the depths of insecurity.Martina’s never been the “hot” one- that’s Gio. She’s never been the “cool” one- that’s Elia. She’s never even been the “sweet” one- that’s Luca.Martina, by comments by both Filippo and Nicoletta herself, is the “boring” one.(Sometimes Martina has doubts about herself- doubts that her girlfriend is quick to put to rest.)
Relationships: Martino Rametta & Giovanni Garau & Luca Colosio & Elia Santini & Niccolò Fares, Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta
Series: not talking about boys, I'm talking about girls [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639027
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	tell me why my gods look like you (and tell me why it's wrong)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akira14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira14/gifts), [Fxckxxp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fxckxxp/gifts), [ginnyred](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginnyred/gifts).



> Title is from "1950" by King Princess, which really feels like it would fit female!Nicotino.
> 
> What can I say about Nicoletta, Martina, and the Contrabbandieri that I haven't already said? I love every one of them with every bit of my heart, and I hope that my love for them comes through as much in this fic as it has in my previous Skam Italia fanfics.
> 
> Also, Season 2 of Skam Italia mostly proceeded the same in this 'verse as it did in canon (because how could I really bear to change anything of such a beautiful version of the story?), and this story takes place either right before Season 3 or parallel to where Season 3 would have started in some alternate universe. Timing doesn't really matter, though, other than knowing that this is post 2x10.

It is a general fact of the universe that Nicoletta Fares is drop dead gorgeous. Martina is pretty sure the girl she’s dating is a model in another life, and is an utterly talented artist in this one.

95% of the time Martina's completely happy to be dating someone so beautiful, inside and out. She is, after all, utterly secure in her relationship with Nicoletta. She knows that Nicoletta loves her more than anything, that their love for each other is something far beyond a symptom of Nicoletta’s BPD. She knows that for how much she adores Nicoletta, she is adored right back.

But her insecurities still rear their ugly heads, occasionally. Sometimes, that feeling of luckiness takes a headfirst dive into the depths of insecurity.

Martina’s never been the “hot” one- that’s Gio. She’s never been the “cool” one- that’s Elia. She’s never even been the “sweet” one- that’s Luca.

Martina, by comments by both Filippo and Nicoletta herself, is the “boring” one. She's plain-faced and plain-hobbied. She plays football with the boys, but only with an average skill level, likes her radio job, but Sana shines far brighter in the spotlight, has decent grades, but never spectacular. 

(She’s not even the prettiest redhead in their friend group- that distinction obviously goes to Eva, with her stylish clothing and beautiful face and ribbon-smooth hair. Martina’s messy ponytail of red curls, combined with a wardrobe of “grandpa” button-ups, jeans, and sneakers, could never hope to compete- not that she’d want to, since Eva’s the sweetest girl she knows, but _still_. The thought lingers, as it has for years.)

-

They’re hanging out with the boys. Gio and Luca are playing FIFA on Martina’s playstation while Elia’s texting someone (girl or guy, Martina doesn’t know). Nicoletta’s head is pillowed in Martina’s lap, allowing Martina to card her fingers through Nicoletta’s dark curls. Despite her skill at foosball, Nicoletta still has yet to fully grasp FIFA like the rest of the Contrabbandieri do, and so she's often content to sit out FIFA tournaments in favor of letting Martina play with her hair.

(It’s times like this when Martina's insecurities often dissolve away, held up by the comfort and support and _safety_ that the Contrabbandieri give her. None of the boys would ever judge her, would ever catcall her for being affectionate with Nicoletta. When Martina’s with the boys, she knows that she is loved. She knows that she is safe.)

“So, guys,” Gio says, continuing the conversation they’d been having before, “Are we or are we not going to that party with the girls next weekend? I don’t know about you all, but there are going to be plenty of girls to hook up with.”

Martina snorts. “I don’t really need to hook up with anyone, do I?” Nicoletta winks up at her and Martina is sure the smile on her face is far beyond the sappy line, but she doesn’t care.

“Could you two _be_ any cuter?” Luca almost squeals, eyes bright, and Martina rolls her eyes as Nicoletta shakes her head, just a little.

“If I had known you two would be this sappy, I probably wouldn’t have helped you text her, Marti,” Elia says, and Martina’s cheeks go hot as Nicoletta blinks and looks up at her.

"Helped you text me?" Nicoletta says, eyebrow raised in the most adorable way, and Martina nearly wants to cuss Elia out for revealing that fact that she's not as suave as Nicoletta might have thought she was. "When was that?"

"Bracciano," Luca pipes up so helpfully, further ruining what little of a reputation Martina has.

"Wait a minute," Nicoletta says with a small, startled laugh. "Gio and Elia were the ones who convinced you to send the most frightening text of my life?"

"Most frightening text of your-" Gio says, hitting pause of the game to turn and look at Nicoletta. "What do you mean, most frightening text of your life?"

"Well, when I got that text, I was kind of convinced that I was going to lose Marti forever," Nicoletta says, voice a soft hush as she speaks with her eyes closed, so she doesn't get to witness the utter shock on Marti's face, which is mirrored in the faces of the boys. "I hopped in Mamma's car and drove here, not risking taking the bus or anything, because what if Marti said no? I would need a place to stay the night so maybe I could try again in the morning. The text- it convinced me that it was my last chance, and so staying in the car for the night seemed like barely even a sacrifice if the alternative was losing Marti forever."

"And you did all that for _Marti_?" Elia says, eyes wide, jaw dropped, and Nicoletta nods, her curls brushing against Martina's thigh.

"How could I not?" she asks, and opens her eyes to stare at Martina with utter adoration in her eyes, and Martina, once again, feels her stomach swoop as low as it did the night she got the call that Nicoletta was in Bracciano, the moment she realized that Nicoletta had driven _six hours_ just for her.

(It's a feeling that Martina had never felt before Nicoletta- the feeling of someone being so in love with her that they'd follow her anywhere, do anything for her. It was a feeling she felt in Milan, too, before Nicoletta's episode took over, a feeling that somehow manages to transcend the nightmarish ending of the evening- a feeling of utter love and adoration, of being the person that someone would want to be the last two people on earth with.)

The spell is broken, though, when Elia snorts and says, "I wouldn't. Not for dear ol' Marti, at least." He leans over just a little. "Sorry, but you're just not my type, Marti."

Martina arches an eyebrow and gives him a flat stare. "Don't worry, Santini, you're not mine either."

Nicoletta and Gio start laughing and Luca nods as if in agreement and in this moment, insecurity is the last thing from Marti's mind. When she's with Nicoletta, when she's with the boys, she feels more secure in herself and her world than she ever does elsewise.

"But si, most terrifying text of my life," Nicoletta confirms, and looks to Martina. "But you didn't send it?"

"I asked the boys for advice on what to say," Martina says, willing to push the blame for it onto the boys now that it's clear that their advice was _not_ charming, in the least. "And that's what they suggested."

Nicoletta fixes an unimpressed look on the boys. "Thank you for getting us back together, but by God, did you have to give me a heart attack in the process?"

"Blame the Love Wizard," Elia says, gesturing to Gio, and Nicoletta lets out a laugh.

"Love Wizard? Gio? Really?"

"He's the one who directed the texting," Luca adds helpfully, and Nicoletta arches an eyebrow even as Gio hits unpause on the game, causing Luca to yelp and jump back into playing.

"You took advice from Gio?" Nicoletta asks, tone non-judgemental and honestly kind of curious. Nicoletta understands how close Martina and Gio are, just how much they rely on each other- to the point of sharing headphones, hats, textbooks, scarves, and even other articles of clothing.

Martina shrugs, not quite wanting admit to how nervous she was about texting Nicoletta, about how even after Nicoletta had abandoned her to go back to her boyfriend Martina had still felt not quite worthy of her. It's a feeling that returns so rarely nowadays, not with Nicoletta looking at her like she does, not with Martina knowing the truth about Nicoletta's BPD, but it was one that lingered heavy in the background of her thoughts back then. "He _is_ the one who had had the longest relationship up until that point."

"Does that make _you_ the Love Wizard, now?" Nicoletta asks with a smirk, "As _you've_ had a relationship longer than any of the Contrabbandieri now?"

For a moment, pride warms Martina's chest at the compliment from her girlfriend.

"Actually, that would make _you_ the Love Wizard, Letta," Elia says, "As _you've_ had the most experience out of any of us."

It's a title that Martina thinks fits Nicoletta far better than herself, Martina has to admit. Nicoletta did nearly all of the wooing in the early stages of their relationship, after all.

Nicoletta's the one with experience. She's the one who's creative enough to come up with all the stuff she did, like the pool and the red string and the antidotes and Milan.

Martina- she was never charming enough to pull of anything like that. She's a lot better in the smaller moments, the more domestic stuff, the day-to-day. She's there during Nicoletta's episodes, kisses her during the good times, cooks when they eat in (because if there is _one_ area that Nicoletta doesn't have insane levels of talent in, it's the kitchen).

But to the world- well, those little things are nothing compared to what Nicoletta can pull off. Martina's never been the special one in anyone's eyes save Nicoletta's (or maybe her mother, but that's a different story).

And sometimes, like now, that self-doubt sticks in her brain and refuses to leave.

-

They go to the party Gio was talking about that weekend, all five of them, as they've taken to doing for months, now- a new and improved version of the Contrabbandieri.

Martina’s never really been called a “dyke” before, and she's incredibly thankful for that. She knows that Filippo has to deal with slurs like "fag" on a regular basis, has to be afraid of violent, even deadly attacks whenever he's himself in a way that she doesn't.

But Martina gets to deal with other forms of homophobia. Ones that send shudders down her spine for very different reasons.

Every party that she goes to with Nicoletta, they end up getting catcalled or having some creep make comments about threesomes with them- which has led to Martina and Nicoletta basically ceasing doing any kissing or making out in public at parties. They’ll dance together- it’s really easy to get _that_ through without getting oversexualized- but the kissing? The only boys Martina feels comfortable kissing her girlfriend around consists of exactly three- Gio, Elia, and Luca (the number’s the same for Nicoletta, as well)- and thus the two of them prefer to keep kissing to bedrooms or back home, where creeps can't make comments that make Martina want to curl in on herself and never go out in public again.

But even if they _don’t_ get to kiss at parties, that doesn’t stop Martina from ogling the way her girlfriend looks all dressed up to go out, her gorgeous dark curls combined with a dark blue skirt that flares out at the waist, a white top that exposes the top of her back, those beautiful freckles of hers on full display to the world.

Martina could never pull a look like that off. Even at her most “party,” she’s still wearing a light blue button-up, skinny jeans, and sneakers- the only thing “party” about the outfit being that the sleeves are rolled up to her elbows.

For years, the guys have had no problem with her “party” outfits, only ever commenting when they thought she was down and just need to hook up with someone- a valiant effort they’d made, trying to help her “get some dick,” but in the end all for naught. Today, though, she just has one girl to impress, and she can’t help but feel lucky to have somehow caught that girl's attention.

Martina is lucky to be with Nicoletta, she knows. She’s not jealous of how gorgeous Nicoletta is- far from it, in fact- but sometimes she feels like she falls flat compared to Nicoletta's beauty, her charisma and energy.

(Martina sometimes wonders if this is something that happens a lot in relationships of people of the same gender, if you find yourself comparing yourself to your partner, if you find yourself measuring short- or maybe that's just her and her insecurities rising up. It probably is.)

Nicoletta dances up to Martina, that brilliant smile on her lips. "Wanna dance, _mi amore_?" she asks, and Martina definitely feels comfortable enough with this, this dancing that can be easily brushed off as just friends- something that doesn't actually bother Martina that much.

And if there's one thing that Martina knows, it's that. She and Nicoletta are _friends_ , too, beyond their relationship. They're girlfriends and soulmates and _friends_ , and Martina loves making out and having sex with her girlfriend, but she also enjoys moments like these, too.

The self-doubt from earlier falls away as they dance in the middle of the crowd, Gio and Elia and Luca in eyesight from them. Being with Nicoletta makes Martina feel secure and comfortable even in a crowd like this, even in a place where they have to hold back on one aspect of their relationship. Nicoletta's love and affection tends to make Martina feel like nothing else matters, and in this moment- well, it doesn't.

-

Martina finally brings it up the next night. They’re sitting on Marti’s bed, bodies turned slightly towards each other despite the fact that they’re, ostensibly, trying to watch _Romeo + Juliet._ It has a tragic ending and Martina had protested, but apparently one of Nicoletta’s online artsy friends had been raving about it and so she’d decided to just try it out- and had insisted that Martina join her. Most of the experience so far has been Nicoletta commenting on the soundtrack of the movie- a tradition that Nicoletta's continued with nearly every movie they watch together- and Martina's had plenty of fun so far enjoying Nicoletta's commentary.

“You know,” Martina says about a half hour in, distracted by the way Nicoletta's eyes change color so easily between gold, green, and blue. They're currently more golden, but a few minutes ago they were more green- whatever color they are, though, they're lovely. “You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met.”

It’s said quietly, with a small smile, but Nicoletta beams, the smile lighting up her face in a way always makes Martina proud that she’s the cause of.

“And you’re the most beautiful woman _I’ve_ ever met,” Nicoletta responds, easy as that, as if it's a fact as true as the laws of physics.

But Martina can’t help but frown, just a little, at the words, because she _knows_ they’re not true. She knows she's not the most beautiful woman in any room, especially if Nicoletta is there with her.

Nicoletta frowns in turn, her brow furrowing. “Marti?” she asks, hand rising to caress Martina’s face, and Martina swallows.

"I-" she starts, and then swallows. "Sometimes, it's hard to think that. That, compared to others-" Sometimes, even, compared to _you-_ "I'm that beautiful."

"Really?" Nicoletta asks, voice gentle and concerned without being pitying, and Marti nods. Nico's expression shifts and she leans forward from the headrest of her bed, taking Martina's hands in hers and pulling her forward, just a little, so they're fully facing each other instead of being half-braced against the headrest. She then runs a thumb over Martina’s knuckles. “Do you know the first time I fell in love with you, Marti?” Martina shakes her head, and Nicoletta smiles. “It was there, in that radio room, the moment you told the mic “off you fuck.””

The sheer randomness of such a response actually startles a laugh from Marti’s throat that makes Nicoletta's eyes light up, a small smile gracing her lips. “You were gorgeous from the start, Marti, all windswept curls and bright laughter and that absolutely beautiful sense of humor.”

“I was literally pretending to take a phone call and telling a fake person to fuck off, Ni-”

“And you were beautiful in that moment, Marti,” Nicoletta says, then leans forward and gently pulls the hairtie from Martina’s hair, releasing her curls, frizzy and tangled in a way that Nicoletta’s never get, thanks to some nice quirk of genetics. Martina hates, sometimes, how messy her hair can get, but Nicoletta doesn’t. Instead she tenderly runs her fingers through Martina’s hair, tucking a piece of it behind Martina’s ear- behind the earring that Marti's had for years, but that Nicoletta got a match of last month in her own ear. “You are utterly beautiful in every way, Marti,” Nicoletta says, voice calm and assur ed in that way it always is, whether she’s talking about art or music or foosball or giraffes.

Then she leans forward and kisses Martina, smiling into the kiss like she often does, and for a moment Martina is more than happy to kiss back, folding into the kiss like it's second nature- which, but this point, it really is.

“Ni,” Martina says, the nickname soft in her throat, and Nicoletta smiles at her, all beautiful- not from her actual appearance, but from the way her smile lights up her face, letting every aspect of her personality shine through.

“Si, Marti?”

“Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” Nicoletta says as she leans in to nuzzle her nose against Martina’s. “We all have our insecurities. You help me deal with mine, and I’ll help you deal with yours. That’s what our relationship is about, right?”

Martina can’t help but smile at the reminder of a long-ago conversation that still blooms large in her mind. She knows that Nicoletta has insecurities of her own- the morning after the balcony made that as clear as anything ever could have been. Martina helps Nicoletta deal with those on a regular basis, and now Nicoletta is returning the favor.

“Minute by minute,” Martina says, and Nicoletta nods.

“Minute by minute, Martina e Nicoletta.”

There's a splash on screen and they both glance over in time to see Romeo and Juliet kissing in the pool- an image that incites giggles in both of them.

"Now _there's_ a memory," Martina says, sending a crooked smile in Nicoletta's direction, "Getting chased out a pool by Renato."

"Hey," Nicoletta says, "In my defense, I thought he wouldn't be coming round for another ten minutes after that."

Martina arches a teasing eyebrow. "I thought you said he was deaf and mute?"

Nicoletta shrugs, smile never leaving her lips. "A lot of things change in ten years."

Martina rolls her eyes and leans forward a little. "And how much changes in six months?"

Nicoletta's eyes drop to Martina's lips. "I don't know," she says, voice a little bit breathless, "Wanna find out?"

"I think I could be convinced," Martina says, and Nicoletta leans all the way forward and pulls her into a kiss, her hand threading through Martina's curls like they did that first night when they'd risen out of the pool, the warmth of Martina's first kiss still on her lips.

-

When Martina wakes up that morning spooning Nicoletta, Nicoletta's curls tickling her nose, she can't help but bask in this feeling, this certainty, this love that she has been lucky enough to end up with- in the knowledge that she is loved and adored by the one person who matters in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Writing this fic, like writing all SkamIt Season 2 fic, felt like a hug, like coming home. Nicotino is such a domestic version of Evak, and the Contrabbandieri are always so warm and supportive, that reading and writing anything about this pairing is like being hugged by a family member or a friend.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment if you enjoyed it! Comments are the lifeblood of a writer and I would also just love to know if anyone enjoyed this like I did/everyone's responses to a female version of my favorite Evak season. Do you guys think the Contrabbandieri/Nicoletta/Martina translated well from canon?


End file.
